I occasionally write reviews for the teachers’ union magazine and this summer i received a package with a book for me to review..It was a novel( and I use the term novel loosely) written by a very successful author for little girlie girls..unlike me obviously.
I wrote my scathing 200 word review and sent it to Simon, my husband to check it for grammar and other mad mistakes I am liable to make when I type fast and dislike a book.
He sent me back the following reply.
Dear Mrs. Lewis
Thanks your for sending your review of “Bonjour Alice” to our offices. Unfortunately, we are far too busy killing our French competitors in a secret, underground publishing company war which has been going on for 400 years. We believe that books like “Bonjour Alice” are ultimate weapons in our plot to make women dumb. We have already infiltrated many formerly clever women’s brains so they read our books and excuse it as “light” or “swimming-pool” or “holiday” reading. We have also introduced other books which other supposedly intelligent women would consider “yeah, it’s chick-lit but it’s a bit more high-brow, like”. We are now infiltrating younger female brains in order that when they reach the age of 18, they will be ready to read our ultimate weapon of mass destruction – well WOMD to our French competitors… this weapon will be so fierce that no French author will ever write a novel again. Gone will be the days of “Chocolat” or “Amelie” and everyone will be reading “Where Rainbows End” and “Tara Hill”. This book will be co-written by Cecilia Ahern, Maeve Binchy, Pamela Flood, Amanda Brunker (our latest soldier in the destruction of women’s brains and French authors) and “that girl that used to be in Fair City who used to be really ugly and wore thick framed glasses but they’ve done the best they could do with her now”.
Our company wishes to offer you ONE tip in improving your review…. Judi Dench did NOT write the book. (See below!)
PS if you could kill a few Frnech people on your way out, that would really help us out.
CONCLUSION: My husband is rather funny.